These days it seems there’s a name for everything – even getting dumped. Just because we defined it, doesn’t mean it deserves to stick around. Here are 8 modern dating trends that should be on your deal-breaker list.
1. Ghosting
Hardly a new trend, which is why it’s time for it to get lost. It can happen days, weeks or even months in. One minute everything is peachy keen, the next it’s like they never existed in your life at all. Ella Henderson sang it best; give up the ghost, stop the haunting baby.
2. Benching
If it feels like you’ve been left on the sidelines, you may have been benched. Like in sport, the coach (your lover) is keeping a host of options on the side just in case they need to pull them into play. They only time they call on you is when their all-star team takes a hit. Telling yourself you’re happy being benched is like saying I deserve to be someone’s backup plan. Love yourself better than that.
3. Zombie-ing
You thought you’d been ghosted. You played the breakup playlists, wallowed a while and were ready to move on. But then BAM – they’re back from the dead – much like a Zombie. There’s a reason they left the first time and it’s doubtful there’s a good reason they’re back now. Don’t give zombies a second chance to leave you feeling braindead.
4. Submarining
Ghosts disappear and zombies come back once; but what about the routine returners? If you’ve got a partner who flirts on and off, you might have a submariner. They’ll pop up from the depths of the deep blue dating sea every few months to check in with you, then back to their aqua cave until the next time they’re lonely/bored/saw your fire selfie. If you’re cool with a life lost at sea, then by all means keep the submariners around.
5. Cuffing
The winter months were made for Netflix and cuddling on the couch, which is why cuffers like to be attached all the way through. They usually change their mind come warmer weather (aka uncuffing) and you’re left ditched and disappointed. Time heals most wounds and these partners don’t deserve your time next winter.
6. Bread-crumbing
Breadcrumbers are experts at keeping their partners in line. They’re just flirty enough to make you think things are headed in the right direction but they never let you reach the next level. This is more about boosting their ego than respecting your feelings. Try cutting out the extra carbs.
7. Stashing
You’ve been dating a while (months even) and they’ve become a big part of your life. But you’ve met hardly any of their friends or family. What gives? Sorry to break it to you but you might have been stashed. They’re hiding you away to keep from having to admit they have a significant other and all the exclusivity that comes with it – like not ending up in someone else’s bed. If they’re not willing to schedule a big debut, you might want to schedule an expiry date for this relationship.
8. Cushioning
No-one likes a breakup, not even the person doing the breaking. Rather than deal with the emotional fallout, cushioners find a new person to provide a soft landing. When the breakup does happen, they feel relieved and you’re left cheated on. This one is hard to see coming. The best thing you can do is trust your gut and have the hard conversations early.
All jokes aside, each of these modern dating trends have one thing in common: dishonesty. You have a partner who is afraid to tell you they’re not into this anymore, or worse; they’re testing out other options. In a relationship with honest communication, you’re unlikely to encounter any of these. Here’s hoping in 2021 that telling the truth becomes the new trend.
Julia is a Melbourne-based writer specialising in content marketing and digital content. When she’s not writing, you’ll usually find her sipping hot tea, reading a great book and planning the next big travel adventure. Visit Work With Me if you’d like to collaborate.